thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize