I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
