we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize