You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
