haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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