Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
