What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
