When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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