I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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