I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
