I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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