In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
