I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
