OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
