Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
