there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
