I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
