All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
