I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
