Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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