where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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