As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
