I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
