Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
