Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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