ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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