i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
