I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize