Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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