I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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