You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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