your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
