I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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