End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize