Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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