Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
