brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
