hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
