I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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