i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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