i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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