True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
