I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
