it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
