Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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