at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize