what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
