Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
