I want to walk on stilts...naked
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
