Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
