Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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