dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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