apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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