I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
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