i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
