She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
