I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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