so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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