There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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