shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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