I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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