Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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