meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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