TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
