I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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