if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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