I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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