he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
