Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize