In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You smell like stripper and shame
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
