we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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