TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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