I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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