Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
