I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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