People with herpes should wear stickers.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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