The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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